Feature Vairë Was a Weaver, or, Real Men Wear Corsets (a farce) by Celeritas

Rated PG
[Reviews - 28]
Printer Friendly: Printer

Arwen gets bored one day and sets in motion a chain of events that no one except the Author can entirely predict.  Diaphragms are squeezed, things catch on fire, and the whole City seems to go mad for a day, and yet somehow everything seems to end up slightly better off than it started.

Crackfic, inspired in part by Shakespearean farces, Terry Pratchett, and high school spirit weeks.


Story Notes:

This fic is technically an AU, since Rohan left Minas Tirith before Arwen arrived to marry Aragorn in the days immediately after the Ring War.  However, anyone who would turn from a fic by this fact would probably have an aneurysm when she saw the other abuses that have been inflicted upon the (mostly male) characters of the story.  Technically has no chapters; however, since the author has no shame, each scene has been separated into its own chapter.


Table of Contents

1. Prologue by Celeritas [Reviews - 1] (920 words)

2. 1 by Celeritas [Reviews - 1] (656 words)

3. 2 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (292 words)

4. 3 by Celeritas [Reviews - 1] (445 words)

5. 4 by Celeritas [Reviews - 1] (1403 words)

6. 5 by Celeritas [Reviews - 1] (315 words)

7. 6 by Celeritas [Reviews - 1] (525 words)

8. 7 by Celeritas [Reviews - 1] (923 words)

9. 8 by Celeritas [Reviews - 1] (2434 words)

10. 9 by Celeritas [Reviews - 1] (1413 words)

11. 10 by Celeritas [Reviews - 1] (337 words)

12. 11 by Celeritas [Reviews - 1] (329 words)

13. 12 by Celeritas [Reviews - 1] (766 words)

14. 13 by Celeritas [Reviews - 1] (352 words)

15. 14 by Celeritas [Reviews - 1] (498 words)

16. 15 by Celeritas [Reviews - 1] (704 words)

17. 16 by Celeritas [Reviews - 1] (575 words)

18. 17 by Celeritas [Reviews - 1] (440 words)

19. 18 by Celeritas [Reviews - 1] (258 words)

20. 19 by Celeritas [Reviews - 1] (233 words)

21. 20 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (235 words)

22. 21 by Celeritas [Reviews - 1] (1249 words)

23. 22 by Celeritas [Reviews - 1] (752 words)

24. 23 by Celeritas [Reviews - 1] (316 words)

25. 24 by Celeritas [Reviews - 1] (946 words)

26. 25 by Celeritas [Reviews - 1] (1243 words)

27. 26 by Celeritas [Reviews - 1] (640 words)

28. 27 by Celeritas [Reviews - 1] (736 words)

29. 28 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (887 words)

30. 29 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (994 words)

31. 30 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (497 words)

32. 31 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (151 words)

33. 32 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (1215 words)

34. 33 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (608 words)

35. 34 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (218 words)

36. 35 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (14 words)

37. 36 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (517 words)

38. 37 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (713 words)

39. 38 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (949 words)

40. 39 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (1056 words)

41. 40 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (482 words)

42. 41 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (514 words)

43. 42 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (404 words)

44. 43 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (322 words)

45. 44 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (262 words)

46. 45 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (11 words)

47. 46 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (858 words)

48. 47 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (257 words)

49. 48 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (120 words)

50. 49 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (331 words)

51. 50 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (405 words)

52. 51 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (360 words)

53. 52 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (615 words)

54. 53 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (223 words)

55. 54 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (435 words)

56. 55 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (380 words)

57. 56 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (287 words)

58. 57 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (584 words)

59. 58 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (441 words)

60. 59 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (394 words)

61. 60 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (496 words)

62. 61 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (369 words)

63. 62 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (714 words)

64. 63 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (514 words)

65. 64 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (821 words)

66. 65 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (493 words)

67. 66 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (112 words)

68. 67 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (70 words)

69. 68 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (230 words)

70. 69 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (67 words)

71. 70 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (330 words)

72. 71 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (57 words)

73. 72 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (442 words)

74. 73 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (119 words)

75. 74 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (499 words)

76. 75 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (621 words)

77. 76 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (384 words)

78. 77 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (466 words)

79. 78 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (424 words)

80. 79 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (399 words)

81. 80 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (640 words)

82. 81 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (507 words)

83. 82 by Celeritas [Reviews - 0] (58 words)

84. Epilogue and Author's Notes by Celeritas [Reviews - 2] (285 words)


Story Information

Categories: The Lord of the Rings
Characters: As a Group: The Fellowship, Dwarf: Gimli son of Glóin, Elf: Celeborn, Elf: Galadriel/Artanis, Elf: Legolas Thranduilion, Gondorian: Amrothos of Dol Amroth, Gondorian: Bergil son of Beregond, Gondorian: Elphir, Gondorian: Erchirion, Gondorian: Faramir son of Denethor, Gondorian: Hurin of the Keys, Gondorian: Imrahil, Prince of Dol Amroth, Gondorian: Lothíriel of Dol Amroth, Gondorian: Targon, Half-Elven: Arwen Undómiel, Half-Elven: Elladan, Half-Elven: Elrohir, Half-Elven: Elrond, Hobbit: Baggins: Frodo, Hobbit: Brandybuck: Estella (Bolger), Hobbit: Brandybuck: Merry (Master), Hobbit: Gamgee: Samwise, Hobbit: Took: Pippin (Thain), Northern Dúnedain: Aragorn/Strider, Original Female Character, Original Male Character, Other: Gandalf/Mithrandir/Ólorin, Rohirrim: Éomer, Rohirrim: Éowyn
Genres: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Crack fic, Frame story (tale-within-a-tale), Gapfiller, Humor, Novel
Places: Gondor: Minas Tirith/Minas Anor
Times: 3-Third Age: Post-War of the Ring
Warnings: 2. mild violence, 4. sexual content implied, 6. adult themes
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 84    |    Word count: 44556    |    Read Count: 75861
Completed: Yes    |    Updated: 08/01/11    |    Published: 08/01/11